Hindsight
by heneverknew
Summary: Looking back, Bella wished she would have done things differently. She grew up fast, but couldn't deal with the adult life she chose.She hurt the people she loved,and tore her family apart, without even noticing.But is it too late to undo so many wrongs?


**Hey! SO this is something that I started a while back, but couldn't carry on. It isn't my best work I know, and am editing all of my work at the moment. So this is the first thing i'm putting up. **

**Please be kind and review! **

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><p>Growing up today, means missing out on a childhood. I never meant to skip being a child, it just happened. Looking back, I never meant to hurt anyone, especially my sister, but it still happened. I didn't know it then, but my life affected her, more than anyone else, and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I failed to notice what I was doing, hurt her. She was the only one that I could open up to, the only one that I trusted with everything. But by doing so, it was too much of a burden for her, she was like me, too young to deal with the adult world. I caused her so much pain without realising it, nobody did. She was so strong, and hid everything so well. The repercussions of what I did, didn't affect me often, because I always fled, leaving everything behind, including her, believing she was strong enough to deal with everything, I could not have been more wrong. She was the one that dealt with the tornado that was me, every time I went home.<p>

Hindsight, they say is a beautiful thing, but somehow, realising what mistakes I made, makes it hurt so much harder. But it's the life I chose, to be the grown up, it's just I never realised that I wasn't mature enough to cope with what came with being an adult.

There were other people that I hurt, but I knew at the time, to some extent that I was hurting them. I didn't know that I had hurt my sister. She was always the one that I could depend on, no matter what. The thing was, I was too dependent on her. My younger sister should have been living her own life instead of dealing with mine.

I was tearing her up inside, making her choose, between me, or them. Every time, I went home, she had to witness the messed up relationship I had with our parents. They were good parents, provided for us, but I resented the fact that they let me screw up so many times. They let me down, by not being there to stop me from destroying myself, and our whole family.

You see, I come from a family, where a scandal was ignored. They had the perfect family, and on the outside, for a long time, we _all _seemed like the perfect family. There was me, the all singing all dancing _literally_ show girl. A child star gone wrong was my case. I started acting when I was nine, following in the family footsteps of my grandmother Elizabeth and aunt Florence and to some degree my mother. I loved it, the ability to be someone else for a while, it was my dream, and I got to spend a lot of time with my mother, who I looked up to so much. The summer I got my first big acting role, for a television drama, was one of the best times of my life, I was nine, at the time, and Alice was six. She was the baby of the family, I was protective of her, even then. My parents were more cautious with her, and had been for a long time. When she was born, there were complications, she was prem, I don't remember much, I was three at the time. Even so she was healthy, the doctors said, although she was small, she was strong. After that my parents were so careful with her, however her strength was tested a little too early. It was completely unavoidable, but my parents blamed themselves. My parents didn't notice at first, but it became more apparent, the muscles on the right side of her face didn't work properly, which meant that she could not open her eye.

They were devastated, especially my mother, and could not cope, she went back to work, and left my father to pick up the pieces. She had over ten operations from the ages of three and six, and now, you would never know, she looked beautiful, her brown eyes exactly like mine. The only way that you could ever know was when she smiled. She had a crooked smile, one that I had only seen on one other person, and it was a beautiful smile.

But that summer, was also the arrival of my baby brother, nine years younger, meant that he was all too young to be affected as much as everyone else in the years to come.

My mother loved the fact that I was now acting, and could place me in the middle of all of her achievement awards, and trophies. I was in the series for seven years, and I loved it. There was no other path that I saw in my future. I was so much closer to my aunt Florence than my mother. She was like me, and someone that I aspired to be. Her name alone sounded like a star, Florence Jane Dylan. And she looked like one too. She was a free spirited woman, who was her own person. Never married and I had always seen her with a handsome men at big events. Being similar to her in my looks, made me feel closer to her than my mother for some reason too. While my mother was blonde with blue eyes, I had inherited my father and aunt's brown eyes and curly brown hair and strikingly pale complexion. It might sound stupid, but the fact that I didn't look like my mother distanced our relationship further. I felt that there was a gap there. Nobody ever saw a resemblance between me and my mother, and would never make the connection between mother and daughter.

I looked like Alice as well, I remember when she moved to high school, for the first term, everyone called her mini Bella. But that soon changed, as her personality defined the differences between us, and everyone clearly saw that she was her own person.

Alice never wanted to be in the spotlight, she was the brains of the family, always had her head in a book, and could hold an intellectual conversation, and sometimes make an adult feel inferior in the situation. But she did play, both of us did actually, from a very young age, she could play anything, while I could play the piano and guitar, singing was my passion though. We had always joked about having our own band, and travelling around the country.

We never did that. And I would do anything to get the opportunity to do that with her, but it's too late. All that I can do now is do things right. Go back to when it all started, there is only one way that I can make things right. I have to talk to him.

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><p><strong>Yes I am very much aware, that there was no mention of Edward until the last line-ish, but I have my reasons.<strong>

**I hope that you liked it, and would like it if you would review!  
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